|i'll turn the pages for you
||[Jan. 4th, 2005|02:43 pm]
|||||dashboard confessional - a plain morning||]|
I should be getting ready for work. Meh.
I'm having some serious trouble sticking to my New Year's resolutions...well, one of them. The taking care of my body and not eating shit 24 hours a day isn't that difficult. The quitting smoking, however - that's not going too well. I'm an emotional wreck. When you have a dependency like that and then break it, you realize why you had it in the first place. A lot of old emotions that I thought I had processed years ago are coming to the surface once again, and it's scaring the shit out of me. Mind you that I was quite aware that I am a headcase, but I didn't expect to be as volatile as this. I don't like feeling crazy. Not in this way.
And it must be contagious, because my poor girlfriend is going through a smiliar situation. Not diclosing any more than that (that's her prerogative, not mine), all I can say is that this is the only time I've been grateful for my mental deficiencies, because I now have a basis of comparison to use to help her through some tough stuff. I only hope I can do enough for her to make it okay.
I have said in the past that the first person to read to me in bed has my heart forever. Last night it was Lacy and me trading off when one or the other got tired of talking. She is just the most amazing girl. I think it was what we both needed. I am bringing a book to her house tonight, and I'm looking forward to having her head in my lap, with a cup of tea and an afghan, reading something new to both of us. This is love, no?
Even when things get really shitty, life has a way of throwing you a bone to at least make it bearable. This will always amaze me.